You have a deep desire to write a book,
but can’t seem to begin.
A
tender voice inside beckons for release on the stage, but you can’t configure
your outline.
Constantly
friends and colleagues approach you for life advice, but the title of coach
feels inauthentic.
Losing
those 15-30 “extra” pounds of baby weight stick to you like a security blanket,
when you join a gym.
Why
is it that every time we desire to do something really inspiring, there is a
little voice inside that seems to stifle the greatness?
They
all involve doing something new, but the moment you head down the path, you run
into this thing, this fear that you’re bumping up against the limits of your
ability. Then, the voice inside your head begins saying things like:
“Do you have a license to be a coach?”
“Who gave you permission to do that?”
“Who
said you could write a book and have a famous Author happily provide the
Forward.”
Finding
ways to increase your value while doing the things you love may be the most
important thing you do. Welcome to the world of Personal Development.
It’s
at the moment when you’re most vulnerable that all your doubts come crashing in
around you.
I get it, and, you’re not alone.
When
I first heard that voice in my own head, I was very young and didn’t know what
to make of it. The fear was paralyzing. Every time I sat down to write, speak
to an audience or sell to a client, I was consumed with worry the world would
say, “You’re a fraud.”
You
may be both shocked and relieved to learn that this feeling has a name.
They
further described it as a feeling of “phoniness in people who believe that they
are not intelligent, capable or creative despite evidence of high achievement.”
While these people “are highly motivated to achieve,” they also “live in fear
of being ‘found out’ or exposed as frauds.” Sound familiar? As you’ve tried new
things or done anything outside of your comfort zone, you’ve probably felt that
fear, too.
Finding
my art has been a marriage followed by immediate divorce. Any artist will
recall details of the internal war in birthing a creation followed by anxiety
for validation in something subjective.
Creativity,
as art, as being true, as living well, as anything, requires tremendous courage
not in the creating, rather in the space immediately following where your ego
seeks insatiable affirmation.
Everyone
loses when bright people play small through needless self doubt. ~Dr. Valerie
Young, Author of Imposter Syndrome
American
author and poet Maya Angelou shared this: “I have written 11 books, but each
time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on
everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’ Despite winning three Grammys and
being nominated for a Pulitzer Prize and a Tony Award, this huge talent still
questioned her success.
Marketing
expert, Seth Godin, even after publishing a dozen best sellers, wrote in “The
Icarus Deception” that he still feels like a fraud. American presidents,
artists, singers and countless actors have repeatedly described the same
sensation.
Writing
a book. Creating a sculpture. Raising a child. Being a coach or embracing a new
career.
When
we have a natural skill or talent, we tend to discount its value. Match this
with a natural sense of humility and it moves into the space of paralyzing fear
with the assumption that what’s natural, maybe even easy for us, can’t offer
any value to the world. But after spending a lot of time fine-tuning our
ability, isn’t it sort of the point for our skill to look and feel natural?
All
of this leads to the final and most important step: learning how to live with
the impostor
syndrome.
I’ve
married a love deep within myself, and when fully expressed, it’s divorced so
my art can live as own thing, allowing me to be something – someone -separate
from it.
Go
get married to your art, fully partner with it. Then, divorce the creation
right there, leaving it standing alone in the isle as you walk away. (Mic drop.
Crowds gasp.)
This
impostor syndrome will never fully go away, but you can think of it as a
classic poser. When you hear that voice in your head, take a deep breath, give
a brief pause and with a rocking smile say, “You’re not invited to my tea
party.”
